heidi

by deleted flowers

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1.
oh no, this is a truth i couldnt face down until i had to... oh no, boxes and book and dirty towels until my hands blue my home isn’t a home it’s fading out all these sounds don’t make any sense to me gonna hide til its over
2.
dryden 02:11
i take a breath and count the highway lights i am the picture of a duck in flight can’t get the peace & quiet i thought that id need to hide what’s with this message that i sent out but i cant write? you say that we only disagree, that’s wrong. we just fight i threw out the letter im feeling unfettered its not getting better so im moving to dryden i turn the key and then i enter the night im stout & flicker like the campfire light
3.
i came out sick i stared into the standing zone and i needed help these gods are quick and life’s unfair, but masterful when you’re just a whelp you can call me many things, yea, i know but loyal’s among them thirty-odd years and it’s all i waited for a lifetime of tears now im melting to the floor
4.
i can be forever with you but can forever be you? be cerulean? I can but inconsequential forever i hypothesize you can be starlit night i hypothesize forever cerulean forever
5.
proverbs 01:46
?
6.
mousefeet 01:47
new spring fresher than the old one not all at once but eventually moodring cracking down the middle soon all the colors are gonna be free statue honoring the puppy dipping his fingers into my dreams heartbeat tappin out the pattern set by the mousefeet comin for me stars wink out and i notice the apples have dried shirtsleeves wet on the hem so i see that youve cried let it out now heidi, whyd you light the lanterns fast to the pathway takin me home ?
7.
splatters 01:28
the man’s a puppet , sitting here dried out and chipping parts eyeballs glossy clear body so wooden when you come near he’ll give you splinters the stubby fingers the steaming breath the milk is foaming up into a mess love superheated and under stress until it splatters is this what life holds... gas stations? & cleaning snow off cars until the end? you’ve got me going , so should i start again? it doesn’t matter. no, it doesn’t matter
8.
rolodex 01:21
i wont speak until its over, i wont peak until im older you want songs that show the feeling? i might be dumb , but not unwilling seasons change but somethings sticking, the mason jar and all its ridges scrub until i feel the cracking i just hope i got your backing cause when you’re speeding through the rolodex of things that make you strong, your fingers twitch and tap but never faster than the beating of your heart
9.
whenever i tried my best id end up getting less id try not to get upset id ball up my hands and press the sea into a glass and gulp down the awful mess i cannot think it, speak it, i wont admit it to myself so says the robot, so says the robot whenever you ask for more love like a speedrun, out like a gunshot
10.
pewter cups 02:18
the plaster spiderwebbed above your sleeping head well past the meat of the day the dreams you bundled up and clanged like pewter cups are now just fading away that’s luck ? oh i suppose who’s lucky?no one knows just fold your hands when you pray you wouldnt be so scarred if you fought half as hard and now there’s nothing to say

credits

released October 1, 2021

all music ian
album art Joe Librandi-Cowan

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